We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
