I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize