omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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