If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize