so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They took my balls.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
