I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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