I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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