She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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