get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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