Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize