Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just want nice things and good sex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
