so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
