I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
