Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
