Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
