Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
