well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
