sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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