i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize