Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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