Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
