so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
