We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
