he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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