I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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