Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
