Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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