I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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