I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
