Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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