my phone needs a breathalizer
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
