i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
