mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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