she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
