For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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