well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
