I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
