Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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