its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
