he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
