you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
