well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize