Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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