You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
