i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
