a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
