i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
