i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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