Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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