I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
