My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
