Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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