I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
