New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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