i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
