i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
