SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
