So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i out mim tonsoeep
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