Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
