Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
