I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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