That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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