i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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