Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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