Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
