and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
