He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
